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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2183 comments.
taytaybergbower BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 9:49 am
very good. good detail
DoraNguyen BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 9:41 am
This poem is very deep. But, I feel as though that the last lines didn't belong.
XxsurrendertofatexX BRONZE said...
on Apr. 27 2012 at 5:49 am
i reallly liked it! i thought that the last couple of lines were where most of the meaning of the poem took place. great job! c:
ElvenSecrets17 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 20 2012 at 5:39 pm
Very beautiful, I wish my poetry could sound as powerful as yours:)
MysteriousWounds GOLD said...
on Apr. 20 2012 at 12:46 am
it started off really good...but the last stanza confused me. i feel like the last two lines didn't really belong there :/
tdpackerfan BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2012 at 1:44 pm
"gazed at the birdie" . . . really? I think that this poem is highly overrated. I thought that the rhyme-scheme was desperate and half-hashed. The twist at the end was nice, but ultimately the reader has no way to trust the narrator. First of all, he disobeys his father directly by going into the water, so when the father finally holds him back, I feel like the father is saving the narrator instead of holding him back or restricting him. The title is interesting and paradoxical, but for goodness' sake, if you have the ability to think of profundity such as this, finding rushed rhymes and thrown-in words like "birdie" make this feel like a wasted opportunity to write something great.
I really liked how you capitalized some words and not others. I could really visualize a picture in my mind when reading this poem. I also like how you show the relationship between father and son. Does the father symbolize all the things that hold him back?
sweetgirl70 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 9 2012 at 1:42 pm
yea kinda cool love the words that you used
Gildedlily123 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 8 2012 at 10:05 am
A probing look at the delicate relationship between parent and child; this poem has a surprising maturity that I enjoyed
Clg1688 said...
on Apr. 6 2012 at 2:00 pm
To my interpretation of this poem, it makes me think of parents over their children.
Love it!
I really love this poem. It easily paints a picture that the reader can visualize.
To me, this poem shows the smothering nature of parents, how they try to keep their children safe, despite how much their children want to get out and test the world on their own. Is this what you were going for?
To me, this poem shows the smothering nature of parents, how they try to keep their children safe, despite how much their children want to get out and test the world on their own. Is this what you were going for?
WhereAmIWithinMyself BRONZE said...
on Apr. 2 2012 at 7:10 pm
A great bildungsroman poem.
Also, if you want to help me answer the question "Where am I within myself - in my heart, my soul, or my mind?", check out my poetry pleasee. :)
Banana said...
on Apr. 2 2012 at 12:04 pm
Kachow!!!!
mikey'slover23 said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 4:29 pm
that waz a good poem.thanks it helps me out with my listening skills with my daddy xd
Krystie1250 BRONZE said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 12:25 pm
Wow. That was really good. Thank you for writing, and please keep doing so.
dragonfly95 SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 12:21 pm
i love it!this is so beautiful, it choked me up, check out my own work please!
leshaye said...
on Mar. 29 2012 at 2:42 pm
this is nice
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Favorite Quote:
Sing like no one is listening,<br /> Dance like no one is watching,<br /> Love like you've never been hurt and<br /> Live like it's heaven on earth. <br /> <br /> - Mark Twain