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Daddy's Womb MAG
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
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This article has 2183 comments.
I loved the poem itself. It was deep and I liked the sort of irony that the title brings. Overall wonderful poem
Posted by Samuel (Below)
I feel disgraced. You're all supposed writers or literary fans yet you abuse and make mockery of a grand language! The poem itself is good, but honestly, the 'I's? You couldn't capitalize them? That infuriates me beyond manifestation of words. So perhaps I'll write a poem on my discontent. Good day, grammar murderer.
I'm impressed!:)
so that he can by writing
imagining ..the more he/she fell the more she /he write- this peom reflect what iam saying
it was a very good poem. ^^ thanks for sharing it with us.
2 articles 0 photos 8 comments
1) The meter is inconsistent
2) The rhymes are forced
3) The image is not clear
I think if you worked on these things, it could get a lot better, but right now, I'd give it a 6.5/10