Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2183 comments.


...? said...
on Mar. 14 2011 at 10:50 am
GOOOD POEM THE WORDING WAS FASCINATING AND HAD A UNIQUE FEELING TO IT

on Mar. 14 2011 at 9:42 am
Johnathan BRONZE, Johnson City, Tennessee
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"That's Amore."

I liked how you fowed with the words

on Mar. 13 2011 at 2:02 pm
rubyrainstorm SILVER, Closter, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 275 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.<br /> -Buddha.

This poem really had feeling in it. I loved the flow of the words! Keep up the unique work!

on Mar. 12 2011 at 6:24 pm
Shogun11 SILVER, Yelm, Washington
6 articles 0 photos 11 comments

This was a really good poem! I could totally see everything happening. It would be cool if some people would look at my poems too! I'm in need of some criticism as well! haha

 


on Mar. 11 2011 at 11:02 am
wow that was so good!

on Mar. 10 2011 at 8:10 pm
Bren_Bren BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
3 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you stand for nothing you will fall for anything

I agree because you kept the excitement going and you someone use their imagination too. Great!!

l.iney DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 10 2011 at 7:01 pm
l.iney DIAMOND, Shrewsbury, Massachusetts
64 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
100% of shots not taken won&#039;t go in. -Wayne Gretzky

i love this its amazing and i can see the feeling in it! Please check out come of my stuff its not as good but I try haha

Awesome Job!


on Mar. 10 2011 at 5:39 pm
I.believe BRONZE, Unalakleet, Alaska
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
Oh my gosh!! I love this poem! I like how you keep it going with those ideas like going swimming and how your father lets you and then how you want to go flying and your father lets you, but kind of saves you in the end.

on Mar. 10 2011 at 5:37 pm
I.believe BRONZE, Unalakleet, Alaska
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
I wish I had a dad too, or one like this, you are very lucky to have one like this.  My dad isn't supportive of me, but I'm glad that yours does :)

on Mar. 9 2011 at 12:22 pm
LyricalDisaster BRONZE, Greenbelt, Maryland
3 articles 2 photos 8 comments

i freakingggg LOVE this ! :D

p.s: check out my poemss ^_^ thanks


AJ Bigj said...
on Mar. 8 2011 at 11:26 am
Hey this was a nice pieace that you have written here when I saw the title I was confused but know that I have read it my whole perspective has changed. http://bigj.edublogs.org/ check out mine and leave a comment.

on Mar. 8 2011 at 6:59 am

I really liked the ambience of this poem, the Ending was def. my favourite part. Please keep writing...

 


Bangz said...
on Mar. 8 2011 at 6:47 am
Dis nice I jus liked dat 1st part doe mane its real nice doe

evergreen232 said...
on Mar. 7 2011 at 5:53 pm
evergreen232, Portland, Oregon
0 articles 3 photos 21 comments
Ummm ohkay isnt that like weird that u 2 have the same name kinda?? wuteves :P i agree

on Mar. 5 2011 at 10:11 pm
josephinelouise BRONZE, Lubbock, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 7 comments

a genuine poem full of character

the only comment I have is that stanza three seems very forced with lines two and four. well, mainly the birdie thing. 


on Mar. 5 2011 at 7:10 pm
CWells_521 DIAMOND, Greene, New York
81 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
The best things in life are unseen, that&#039;s why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream.<br /> What doesn&#039;t kill you, only makes you stronger.

i really like how deep this is. you're a rlly great writer :)

Gnosis said...
on Mar. 5 2011 at 12:46 am
Beautiful poem. I like your use of rhythm and imagery. The poem started out vague and then progressed into a sound and solid expression. You were able to capture a profound essence on a porfound topic, and do it well.

on Mar. 4 2011 at 10:42 pm
Kenziechaos. BRONZE, Findlay, Ohio
2 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we fear the things we were taught to be afraid of.&quot;-Blood and Chocolate.

i really like this. i like how it has different meanings, and how somene could think of it as something different than someone else.. if that makes sense? well written. (:

Gangsta crip said...
on Mar. 4 2011 at 7:00 am
I thought it was well written and had a good ambience!

hello123 said...
on Mar. 4 2011 at 6:55 am
It is an okay poem well written.....