Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2183 comments.


Annab said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 11:28 am
Wow! Amazing job! I understand everything that your saying!

miniminim123 said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 11:27 am

the poem is really good, just a sad story...wait idk the story...but i think its sad???

 


on Jan. 19 2011 at 11:27 am
I loved your poem. it was very meaningful 

soccerchik8 said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 11:26 am
This is a very strong poem i love it!!! well done young grasshopper :P

on Jan. 19 2011 at 9:07 am
accdodson BRONZE, Sarasota, Florida
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
Really good work, but try not to rhyme. You end up forcing words.

joshbd7 said...
on Jan. 19 2011 at 8:02 am
really good poem... looks like you put good thought you put good thought into this. ; keep it up  !

on Jan. 18 2011 at 9:39 pm
AlexisBieber13, Los Angeles, California
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
Thats really Sad Im sorry if this id true

on Jan. 16 2011 at 1:48 am
LoveAndWar GOLD, Encinitas, California
12 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Better to be the witty fool than the foolish wit" -Feste, Shakespeare

I love the last line. It's beautiful in it's entirety, too, because it works so well together, soft and yet such a wonderful, thoughtful air... thick too... 

on Jan. 15 2011 at 6:07 pm
AelitaReloaded PLATINUM, Scottsdale, Arizona
22 articles 0 photos 179 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The pen is mightier than the sword" author unknown (to me)

Awesome poem, hey will everyone please check out my new poem, it's the first poem that I've posted so far!

on Jan. 15 2011 at 3:19 pm
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

This poem is both original and creative! I have not read any other poems on this site about people being held back by their parents. Please let me know if you have, as I loved this one and want more like it. It told a story, as poems should do. The vocabulary isn't fancy, but there are words that aren't used in everyday conversation. This poem got it's point across, and in a meaningful and thoughtful way... That's all that should really matter.

on Jan. 15 2011 at 3:16 pm
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

I believe it's about a boy who feels like he has no freedom and that the person who should love him the most is holding him back from what he wants most to do.

on Jan. 15 2011 at 3:11 pm
aspiringauthor_ BRONZE, Fairfield, Connecticut
1 article 0 photos 324 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." - MLK Jr.

I disagree with you... It kept the rhyme scheme going and made sense. If you were out in the wilderness, I would expect there to be at least a few "birdies." I personally really enjoyed all of this poem because I could tell it came from the heart. :)

LOVE13 BRONZE said...
on Jan. 13 2011 at 6:34 pm
LOVE13 BRONZE, Silver Spring, Maryland
3 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Here comes the sun"-Beatles

wow...that poem is really good! you should definatley keep writing!

on Jan. 11 2011 at 8:47 pm
alexandrexis BRONZE, Clemson, South Carolina
3 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;When you&#039;re taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?&rdquo;<br /> - Marilyn Manson

Yeah, the birdie line kind of ruins it but it's still very good as a whole and the flow and rhythm is nice.

on Jan. 11 2011 at 8:14 pm
MikalaReighann0215 SILVER, Midland, Texas
6 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I agree with everyone else. it flows nicely. the only thing i didnt like was the birdie line, to me it took the maturity of the poem down if that makes any sense

on Jan. 10 2011 at 7:07 pm
LoveeLikeWinter BRONZE, Olathe, Colorado
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don&#039;t matter and those who matter don&#039;t mind.&quot; &mdash;Dr.Seuss

I really love how it flows so nicely, and it also stays on topic well and tells a good story. (: Good job.

on Jan. 9 2011 at 10:53 pm
Live.Life.Fast PLATINUM, Bragg Creek, Other
26 articles 2 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
dance in thunderstroms

So i really like your poem! sorry I'm kinda new at this whole thing.. this is my first comment. I apologize if i'm just going on about stuff you already know. But i really like the flow of it. If that makes sense? Also, the idea is pretty great =) 

on Jan. 9 2011 at 6:07 pm
3blueflamingos, Lakewood, California
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Buurn. lol But seriously, have you tried writing more limericks? I think you'd do well with them. i felt like you seriously cared about defending this poetry, and at the same time it made me laugh at this guy who is just going around trashing ther work when he probably has NOTHING against this poet you are defending. Thanks for sticking up for people. :)

on Jan. 9 2011 at 6:02 pm
3blueflamingos, Lakewood, California
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
Wonderful concept. I think you should focus on editing though... For me the inconsistensy of capitals makes this lovely poem less enjoyable to read, or is that a device you are using? I love it alot!!!

DrDoofenTess said...
on Jan. 9 2011 at 3:12 am
DrDoofenTess, Dubai, Other
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hope for the best .... Expect the worst .

loved how u dramatically brought in the concept of how children are sometimes bound to their parents . especially if they are over protective .... u no i have alot of people who care about me n dont want me to do the wrong thing but then sometimes i feel like ive been in this bubble for soo long , that i feel like screaming out loud n tellin them please let me fall and learn ... let me make mistakes ....

and that aside i was jus reading the comments u got n i felt seriously insulted wen ppl sed u shud "go ina hole n die n stop writing " .... lol gess u do get specimens of the sort once in a while ehh :P