Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2183 comments.


on Jul. 23 2010 at 8:42 am
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

It seems like it would be a very light and innocent story at the beginning, but then the ending just makes it pop. Great job!

on Jul. 23 2010 at 6:49 am
DifferentTeen PLATINUM, Seaford, Delaware
32 articles 2 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There’s no such thing as true love, just spurts of insanity—falling over and over again, thinking that won’t happen to me"

I meant to say "I wasn't really sure about the theme..."

Sorry about the grammatical errors I'm kinda in a hurry.


on Jul. 23 2010 at 6:43 am
DifferentTeen PLATINUM, Seaford, Delaware
32 articles 2 photos 329 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There’s no such thing as true love, just spurts of insanity—falling over and over again, thinking that won’t happen to me"

I really agree with Eilatan's post. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be. I was really sure about the whole theme, or even about what was going on but I thought the rhymes were cute. A decent poem, just in my opinion not as good as everyone is making it out t be.

on Jul. 22 2010 at 8:36 am
BlackXxXKisses SILVER, Niles, Ohio
9 articles 4 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
You don't know what you've got til its gone.

I read this and feel trapped. I want to fly away and be free.

Danielle123 said...
on Jul. 21 2010 at 4:44 pm
The ending leaves such a lasting impact!

on Jul. 20 2010 at 9:43 am
writer62 SILVER, Springfield, Virginia
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
" in order to be the best you have to play the best, in order to play the best you must practice the best, in order to practice the best you must practice the most. Practice is the key to being the best!"

omg! This is amazing! You have some real talent!!! =D

Chloe_ BRONZE said...
on Jul. 20 2010 at 12:09 am
Chloe_ BRONZE, San Antonio, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Never underestimate the power of doing the ordinary in quite extraordinary ways.

Really great really it is!

AidanR. said...
on Jul. 18 2010 at 3:33 pm
AidanR., Buffalo, New York
0 articles 0 photos 51 comments
This is good, but some of the rhymes are pushing it - "birdie" especially comes out of nowhere

on Jul. 15 2010 at 10:32 am
irrara12 BRONZE, Columbia, Maryland
3 articles 2 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
not all who wander are lost-jrr tolkien

This is so great because it represents everything that holds us back. Great poem.

Polythene GOLD said...
on Jul. 15 2010 at 10:09 am
Polythene GOLD, St.petersburg, Florida
15 articles 17 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
"living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see."

i like it but i think you try a little too hard to make it rhyme

other then that its good.


on Jul. 13 2010 at 5:23 am
Krist.M. SILVER, Redding,
8 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
In three words I can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned about life: it goes on. <br /> Robert Frost <br /> <br /> Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me; The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality. <br /> Emily Dickinson

I think this is well written and i have dissected poetry and taught it as an elective Study hall class. I don't really think it's about an abusive dad, i think it's actually about a caring dad. the one who tells you not to touch the stove and you ask why and he says cuz you will burn your hand and doesnt stop you cuz he knows you are the type of child who will do it anyway just to try it. then, with the chain, i think it represents the father not holding you down but making sure you dont fall out of the nest before you fully understand what life is and you own potential, how to get back up in the nest. when you say 'and then i knew that i was bound' it may not be bound to the ground or to your father, you were just bound by your limmits or bound not to fly, cuz it's just not yet your time...

on Jul. 12 2010 at 8:10 pm
MissCrazyMe SILVER, Columbia, Tennessee
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It is not the challenges we face that define us...but the choices we make along the way.&quot;

my own heart aches when i read this poem. You put to words the pain i've carried for years, pain that has been like your father's chain. Even now i see my own father...willing me to leave but knowing that i could never stand on my own. He kept me weak to keep me home. Thanks...you've done what i cannot do. I look at a blank sheet of paper, wanting so badly to put down my feelings but now i don't have to. Good Job!

renni SILVER said...
on Jul. 12 2010 at 3:19 pm
renni SILVER, Crete, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes, that girl who seems so strong, who never lets what people say bother her, who smiles and laughs with her friends all the time, is really the girl who, deep down, is falling to pieces.

this was a very well put poem i think u have poitntal it was a intresting poem check out mine :D

on Jul. 11 2010 at 12:45 pm
BeckoningLovely GOLD, Wilmington, Delaware
15 articles 1 photo 106 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I think our favorite quotes say more about us than the people we are quoting,&quot; John Green

I thought about it as a boy who is being held back by either A) wanting to live up to his father B) trying to keep his late father's memory alive or C) his father is abusive and will not "let him fly" 

on Jul. 9 2010 at 3:26 am
Emmasmommy4610 SILVER, Ocean Shores, Washington
6 articles 2 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you don&#039;t hit the ground hard, you&#039;ll never know what its like to get up and learn to fly.&quot;

My boyfriend doesn't have an account on here but he wanted me to say:

"I view this as a poem about an abusive dad. Or a drunk dad. Or both. Its like the dad is teasing the boy to do what he wants, but the boy is chained down because of his dad. I see this poem as something that could have been written by a boy who misses his dad. Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't poetry about perception anyways?"


on Jul. 8 2010 at 8:33 pm
Hippiechick10 SILVER, One Stoplight Town, Connecticut
7 articles 0 photos 83 comments

Favorite Quote:
Those who deny freedom to others , deserve it not for themselves. (Abe Lincoln)

Very unique and interesting!

Kaity PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 7 2010 at 5:54 pm
Kaity PLATINUM, Oxford, Iowa
28 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
who am i? im kaity

OMG i LOVE this poem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like ALOT!!!!!!!!!!!


4tun81 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 7 2010 at 11:20 am
4tun81 BRONZE, St. Louis, Missouri
3 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memento Mori.

It was really good....but I didn't really get the last verse

on Jul. 6 2010 at 11:31 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 193 comments

I do agree that the rhymes may not be the best out there, but the idea is completed. And it's a very strong idea. The idea, I think, is what completes this poem. It's bitter and harsh, and it send a shiver down my spine when I read the last verse. 

 

However I'm glad that you have the guts to say what you thought was wrong with the poem and I respect you for that. If you don't mind, could you look at some of my pieces? But only if you are ok with me starting a debate with you. I like to fully understand criticisms, and for some reason I only fully understand after I've exhausted all arguments against them. 


on Jul. 5 2010 at 4:18 pm
TimBonin BRONZE, Georgia, Vermont
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Well begun is half done&quot;

I do agree with you. and i like the harshness of your reviews (really, i do) would you mind taking a quick look at some of my stuff. ive been waiting for some (very) constructive criticism